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mean?"
"I mean that you should pick more than two; three or more at a time."
I stayed quiet for a few seconds, because again I was left with needing
information and not wanting to be rude. "Three at a time in what way, my
lady?"
She frowned at me. "Oh, Danu's titties, just ask your questions, Meredith!"
"Fine," I said, "when you say three or more at one time, do you mean literally
in the bed with me at one time, or just like dating three of them at the same
time."
"Any way you wish to interpret it," she said. "Take them into your bed one at
a time, or all together, as long as you take them."
"Why must it be three or more at once?"
"Is it such an awful prospect to choose among some of the most beautiful men
in the world? To bear a child to one of them and continue our line? How is
this so terrible?"
I looked at her, trying to read that beautiful face, and failing. "I approve
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of letting the men out of their celibacy, but Auntie dearest, do not make me
their only avenue. I beg you. They will fall upon each other like starving
wolves, not because I am such a prize but because anyone is better than no
one."
"That is why I am insisting that you sleep with more than one at a time. You
must sleep with most of them before making your choice. That way they'll all
feel they've had a chance. Otherwise, you are right.
There will be duels until no one is left standing. Make them work at seducing
you instead of killing each other."
"I like sex, my queen, and I have no designs upon monogamy, but there are some
among your Guard that I can't even speak a civil word to, and sex is a step up
from polite small talk."
"I will make you my heir," she said, voice very quiet.
I stared at her so careful, unreadable face. I didn't trust what I'd heard.
"Could you repeat that, please, my queen?"
"I will make you my heir," she said.
I stared at her. "And what does my cousin Cel think of that?"
"Whichever one of you gives me a child first, that one shall inherit my
throne. Does that not sweeten the pot?"
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I stood up, too abruptly, and the stool clanged to the floor. I stared at her
for a space of heartbeats. I
wasn't sure what to say, because it didn't seem real. "May I humbly point out,
Aunt Andais, that I am mortal and you are not. You will surely outlive me by
centuries. Even if I bore a child, I would never see the throne."
"I will step down," she said.
Now I knew she was toying with me. It was all some game. It had to be.
"You once told my father that being queen was your entire existence. That you
loved being queen more than you loved anyone or anything."
"My, you do have a long memory for eavesdropped conversations."
"You always spoke freely in front of me, Aunt, as if I were one of your dogs.
You nearly drowned me when I was six. Now you're telling me that you would
abdicate the throne for me. What in the land of the blessed could have changed
your mind so completely?"
"Do you remember what Essus's answer to me was that night?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, my queen."
"Essus said, 'Even if Merry never takes the throne she will be more queen than
Cel will ever be a king.'"
"You hit him that night," I said. "I never remembered why."
Andais nodded. "That was why."
"So you're unhappy with your son."
"That is my business," she said.
"If I let you elevate me to coheir with Cel, it will become my business." I
had the cufflink in my purse. I
thought about showing it to her, but I didn't. Andais had lived in denial of
what Cel was, and what he was capable of, for centuries. You spoke against Cel
to the queen at your peril. Besides, the cufflink could belong to one of the
guards, though I couldn't fathom why, without Cel's urging, any of the guard
would want me dead.
"What do you want, Meredith? What do you want that I can give you that would
be worth you doing what I ask?"
She was offering me the throne. Barinthus would be so pleased. Was I pleased?
"Are you so sure that the court will accept me as queen?"
"I will announce you Princess of Flesh tonight. They will be impressed."
"If they believe it," I said.
"They will if I tell them to," she said.
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I looked at her, studied her face. She believed what she said. Andais
overestimated herself. But such absolute arrogance was typical of the sidhe.
"Come home, Meredith, you don't belong out there among the humans."
"As you reminded me so very often, Aunt, I am part human."
"Three years ago you were content, happy. You had no plans to leave us." She
settled back in her chair, watching me, letting me stand over her. "I know
what Griffin did."
I met her pale gaze for a heartbeat, but couldn't sustain the look. It wasn't
pity in her glance. It was the coldness in it, as if she simply wanted to see
my reaction, nothing more.
"Do you really think I left the court because of Griffin?" I didn't try and
keep the astonishment out of my voice. She couldn't honestly believe I'd left
the court over a broken heart.
"The last fight the two of you had was very public."
"I remember the fight, Auntie dearest, but that is not why I left the court. I
left because I wasn't going to survive the next duel."
She ignored me. In that moment I realized that she would never believe the
worst of her son, not unless forced to beyond any shadow of doubt. I couldn't
give her that absolute proof, and without it, I couldn't tell her my
suspicions, not without risking myself.
She kept talking about Griffin as if he were the true reason I'd left. "But it
was Griffin who began that fight. He, the one who was demanding to know why he
wasn't in your bed, in your heart, as before.
You'd been chasing him around the court for nights, and now he pursued you.
How did you effect such a quick change in him?"
"I refused him my bed." I met her eyes, but there was no amusement in them,
just a steady intensity.
"And that was enough to make him pursue you in public like an enraged
fishwife?"
"I think he truly believed that I'd forgive him. That I would punish him for a
while and then take him back. That last night he finally believed that I meant
what I said."
"What did you say?" she asked.
"That he would never be with me again this side of the grave."
Andais looked at me very steadily. "Do you still love him?"
I shook my head. "No."
"But you still have feelings for him." It was not a question.
I shook my head. "Feelings, yes, but nothing good. "
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"If you still want Griffin, you may have him for another year. If at that time
you are not with child, I would ask that you choose someone else."
"I don't want Griffin, not anymore."
"I hear a regret in your voice, Meredith. Are you sure that he is not what you
want?"
I sighed, and leaned my hands against the tabletop, staring down at them. I
felt hunched and tired. I'd tried very hard not to think about Griff and the
fact that I'd see him tonight. "If he could feel for me what I
felt for him, if he could truly be as in love with me as I was with him, then
I would want him, but he can't.
He can't be other than what he is, and neither can I." I looked at her across
the small table.
"You may include him in the contest to win your heart, or you may exclude him
from the running. It is your decision."
I nodded and stood up straight, no hunching like some kind of wounded rabbit.
"Thank you for that, Auntie dearest."
"Why does that fall from your lips like the vilest of insults."
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"I mean no insult."
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