[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
for a young educator.
Diane had had plans for Matt Jensen almost from the first
time she saw him--something beyond casual sex and light conversation.
And yet they didn't have intercourse again during the rest
of the summer. He had never intended to go that far in the first
place and had been surprised; he was careful to forestall the
opportunity for more physical intimacy. He was unaware that
when Diane Downs wanted a man it was virtually impossible to
walk away from her. In the beginning, Matt was on hold, an
alternate. When Diane realized that Lew was truly lost to her, she
felt a tremendous vacuum.
She chose Matt to fill it.
It was September when Diane's pursuit of Matt Jensen began
in earnest. Their dating lasted only three weeks, with Diane
instigating their meetings. She called to ask Matt to go to a movie,
or she brought Chinese food over to his little house, spreading out
the little "goldfish" white buckets with great ceremony. Once
they had breakfast together at a restaurant owned by the mayor of
Cottage Grove. Matt squirmed some at that, but he didn't want to
hurt her feelings.
They had so little to talk about. The subject of the shooting
had been declared off-limits, and Diane's interests didn't coincide
with Matt's. When they watched movies on TV, or listened to
music, it was OK--but there was nothing more there. At least not
for Jensen. Diane didn't read much. He was surprised to find that
she often spoke in platitudes and homilies, sounding like a school
Page 180
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
girl's C- theme. ("You can lead a horse to water, but you can't
make him drink--", "Everything always turns out for the best.")
At first, he thought she was joking, and he laughed aloud. But she
was serious. It was as if Diane didn't really understand the way
'- humans were supposed to feel and used her trite quotations to
guide herself.
She told Matt she found him an "escape from all the craziness."
She clung to him more tightly.
SMALL SACRIFICES 275
During the single time they'd been intimate, Diane had been
an eager sex partner, but something held Jensen back from further
intercourse. In the end, in spite of her attempts at seduction, they
would sleep together only three times.
Diane's views on sex matched the rest of her conversation--
stilted and slightly unreal. Saccharine. "To me, sex is the ultimate
way of showing a loved one that you love them," she wrote to him
once. "I have tried to perfect the art of sex, to get as much
pleasure out of it as possible, and to make my partner as happy as
can be. Animals have sex outside of love. I feel that I am above
animals. I have a heart and soul. I feel good and bad. Love is
expressed through trust, hugs, remembering his favorite food,
and patience. But sex is probably the most pleasant way of
saying, 'I care.' "
More effective, perhaps, then sending a Hallmark card, Jensen
thought wryly.
Diane had long since learned that men hated to be owned.
She talked a carefree game, insisting to Matt that she wanted only
friendship. She wrote him another-transparent letter: "A woman is like a
delicate butterfly sitting in the palm of your hand. If you
try to close your fingers around her too tightly so she can't
leave--she will be crushed and die. I prefer to think of the
butterfly--not as a woman--but as love . . . Love cannot be
suffocating or imprisoning. It must be free and giving."
Matt Jensen was beginning to feel like a cloistered butterfly,
despite all Diane's platitudes oh the benefits of freedom. His
stomach churned at the sight of a red, white, and blue mail jeep.
Diane knew where he worked, where he parked his car, his
license plate number. She left notes for him under his windshield
wipers. "She staked me out," he recalls ruefully. "She knew
when I got home for lunch--or after work--and there she was at
the door. She'd stop by my job."
. Clearly, she considered him her candidate for a full-time
I lover. She told him that there were no other men in her life, but
then she would slip and talk about going to bars, about all the men
who were hitting on her. "There were so many different sides of
her--even then. She was manipulating me.
"She played the vulnerable little girl with me--and told me
"ow the police had mistreated her. I truly felt sorry for her--at .first."
Diane told Matt that he was the only person she knew who
276 ANN RULE
could carry on an intelligent conversation. His brain was very I
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]